CSI: MIAMI

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CSI - Parody

INT. HALLWAY OF C.S.I. LABS -DAY

NOUVEAU

So that Alexx; she is hot. What’s her story? Single, right?

DR. PANCREAS

Technically available. But you can’t really get hired for jobs like ours unless you’re emotionally crippled, aloof and detached.

NOUVEAU

Ya. They told us that was the hiring profile back at the academy. I couldn’t believe it, psychically scarred was actually one of the job qualifications. Luckily, I got in here as a diversity hire. Never had a single parent or spouse slain by a criminal. No lifelong quest for justice, revenge, and the redemption of my soul. - Just liked playing cops and robbers.

DR. PANCREAS

Hmmm. . Plus you got a weird name with a weird spelling. They like that around here. Anyway, forget her. She’s not staying much longer. She’s just been working here to pay for cosmetology school. She’s starting full time in the fall.

NOUVEAU

Wow. That’s why she looked so good. Like a model in a morgue. With bloody gloves. So sexy. Plus, brown sugar. Rraaarhhh.

DR. PANCREAS

Did you notice the lip gloss and false eyelashes on the guy she was working on? She’s always practicin’ on the stiffs. That Prince Albert was an add on, too, ya know.

NOUVEAU

Wow. She’s very talented.

DR. PANCREAS

Oh ya, and that severed head in the glass  cabinet- the Jane Doe approximately age 25, with the pouty lips; she didn’t come in here looking any where near so cute.

NOUVEAU

No?

DR. PANCREAS

I’m tellin’ ya- twigs and sticker burrs all in her long tangled hair, dirty face, scratches. Man, Lex gave her face a deluxe makeover and got rid of those trashy orange and blue highlights in her hair. Then she gave her a conditioning and volumizing shampoo, and a blow dry, And finally that short page boy cut.

NOUVEAU
A classic style.

DR. PANCREAS

Ya. Really shows off the neck.