THE ADMIRABLE ATHEIST

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A DREAM SEQUENCE

INT. - AN GARDEN ENCLOSED BY TALL HEDGES - DAY

AXEL SITS ON A PARK BENCH STRUGGLING WITH A DECISION HE MUST MAKE. HE IS ROCKING, MOANING, TALKING TO HIMSELF, PUTS HEAD IN HANDS.

AXEL
Aaahhh..hmmm...what to do, what to do?

JESUS CHRIST IN ROBE, SANDALS AND LONG HAIR ENTERS FROM BEHIND A HEDGE AND APPROACHES AXEL. J.C. HAS THE BACKLIT GLOW OF AN AURA. AXEL LOOKS UP AND AFTER A BRIEF HESITATION FROM SURPRISE ACKNOWLEDGES J.C.

AXEL (CONT’D)
Oh, it’s you . . .uhh ... Hi.

J.C.
You seem troubled, my son.

AXEL
Oh, it’s nothing. I just don’t know if a Catholic school would be good for my ...Wait. What are you doing here

J.C.
I’ve come to quiet the waters of your soul and lift thy burden, my son.

AXEL
No, I mean, why should you suddenly pop up?

J.C.
Ah, yes my son, I . . .

AXEL
Whoa, just a minute. Let’s please just knock of the “My Son” business. I dream very informally.

J.C.
Very well, Teddy.

AXEL
Uh, Not Teddy. I’m all grown up now. And I use my middle name- Axel.

J.C.
Well. Axel. I have transported you to this garden because you are in need of divine counsel.

AXEL
Ahh- ha, ya. J.C., You’re here and the garden is here because I’m dreaming.

J.C.
Oh, but this is very real, Teddy..er ..umm, Axel.

AXEL
Mmmm, no. It’s a dream.

J.C.
Very well, if you like. By divine influence, I have conjured this dream visitation for you, so that I may ...

AXEL
Stop right there. This is just a dream, because - I am dreaming, like everyone else, all over the world. And you’re here because- I don’t know; (feeling his stomach) maybe I have an undigested bit of pepperoni kicking around inside me.

WITH DROPPED SHOULDERS AND A SAD FACE, JESUS GIVES A SIGH OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND SYMPATHY

AXEL (CONT’D)
I don’t know why you’re here. You were a lot of fun when I was a kid. You were a great guy. Really. But now...

J.C.
Was a great guy! I’m not dead, you know!

(beat)

Well, mmm that’s not exactly ... well... My life and death status... you know, it’s a kind of variable gray areal

(mumbling)

I think there’s even some legal issues.

(back to speaking voice)

Anyway, it’s complicated.

AXEL
Look, dead or alive, we need to talk. We have to-- Oh for fudge sake- Can we turn that off?

J.C. IS MOMENTARILY PERPLEXED AND THEN BEGINS TO REACH AWKWARDLY FOR SOMETHING ON HIS BACK. AXEL MOTIONS HIM CLOSER AND CLICKS OFF THE BATTERY POWERED AURA PROJECTOR. HE TUGS ON J.C.’S SLEEVE AND JESUS PLOPS DOWN BESIDE HIM IN RESIGNATION.

J.C.
(with some embarrassment) 
That’s just a new thing.. all the kids are doing. Looked kinda cool. Thought I’d try it. Gotta get ‘em while they’re young! Gotta think young!

AXEL
About that. See, I’m not so young any more. I’m a grown up, rational man now. Try not to have your feelings hurt, but I’ve moved on.

(beat)

J.C.
OH- MY- DAD!! Are you breaking up with me? - You’re breaking up with me! I can’t believe it!

AXEL
Take it easy. Calm down. It’s not all, always about you. I mean, I had lots of imaginary friends when I was small. And I’ve outgrown them without any hard feelings.

J.C.
Imaginary! Oh, Teddy, that is the cruelest cut of all.- No... no, I won’t have it. I won’t allow it. I’ll go invisible, or walk on water, or turn into a butterfly- but, I absolutely refuse to be imaginary!

AXEL
Look. Like him.

ON A BENCH OPPOSITE OF AXEL’S, WE SEE A MAN BEHIND A LARGE SACK AND A NEWSPAPER HE IS READING.

AXEL (CONT’D)
Hey, Nick!

SAINT NICHOLAS LOWERS THE PAPER AND GIVES A SMALL SMILE AND NOD OF RECOGNITION.

AXEL (CONT’D)
Or her.

EMERGING FROM THE HEDGES OPPOSITE, A SHAPELY WOMAN WITH BUNNY EARS, A COTTONTAIL, IN FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND HIGH HEELS, SAUNTERS PAST ST. NICK.

J.C.
Jehosophat! Is that the Easter Bunny?

AXEL
Well, that’s my Easter Bunny. I told you I was grown up now.

J.C.
Holy ME! You think I could get her number?

THE BUNNY EXITS INTO A HEDGE

AXEL
Hey, she’s all yours. Just have your own dream; O.K., and try to stay out of mine.

END SCENE